How exhaustion and stress affect autistic "symptoms"

Having had a bit of a manic week (with another one to come), I have been forced to observe the effects of being overtired both physically and mentally on how my autism presents.

I have often noticed, and it is hardly surprising that in case, life isn't already hard enough when circumstances are difficult, our brains and bodies seem to think it's a great idea to join the party and make it even harder.

This is clearly not just an issue for autistic people as it is natural to find our coping resources depleted when we do not have time or energy to engage in those things that normally keep us well in body and mind. We all notice that it is harder to maintain an even keel emotionally, to make good decisions, to look after ourselves and others when we are tired or stretched, but I wanted to talk about the specific effects it has on my autistic traits, in case that is new or of interest for anyone.

So without further ado - differences I have noticed this week:

Sound sensitivity
Being around a lot of noisy people, or a particular sound that normally I can cope with I have found overwhelming this week. When this happens I can't see a solution/escape and feel trapped which makes me even more panicky and overwhelmed. Being aware of this helps as I can sometimes rationalise and stop to look for a solution. Otherwise, sometimes one is provided by somebody who has picked up on my situation (a lovely person did that once this week!).

Lack of social filtering
I become more abrupt and less filtered in what I say. I forget to be socially acceptable and just say things as I see them. This can result in people seeing me as rude (understandably, as I probably am being rude!), weird or snappy, which is sad for me.

Tactile sensitivity
Labels in clothes that I normally don't mind begin to bother me! I also seek more regulatory tactile sensations such as my blanket, BFRBs (body-focused repetitive behaviours) etc.

Increased intolerance for change/error
Fairly self-explanatory. Change, the unexpected and people doing things "wrong". If I can buy some extra processing time this can sometimes be managed, otherwise the upheaval of trying to readjust my brain to accommodate the anomaly can lead to overload or use of negative coping mechanisms.

Increased intolerance for failure
Any perceived error on my part can also easily become overwhelming. The thoughts can easily lead to overload or use of negative coping mechanisms, feeding into my mental health disorder and trying to bring me back into destructive cycles of thought and behaviour if I can't engage in some CFT (compassion-focused therapy) techniques or counter the thoughts with something believable but less unkind.

Decrease in emotional regulation
Again quite obvious. It's much easier for me to become dysregulated by any little thing that may happen, and harder for me to bring myself back to functionality. I'm much more likely to have shutdowns or need extra time to use soothing methods and keep myself calm.

Decrease in ability to communicate
Even if I can cognitively rationalise what is happening, I am much less able to convey that to somebody else. It's like my brain shuts down that possibility so that even if I want to, I can't just tell somebody that I am having a problem and what that problem is. It's as if that is just too much, too big or important, or it would dissolve me or something. It's rather difficult to explain, actually.

Decreased capacity for being with people
People are just too exhausting! Because of the energy it takes to be with people, to think of things to say, to make sure they're acceptable things, to try and make sure I do all the right things in a conversation (answer questions with just the right amount of details, ask questions, but not the exact same ones, use the right level of formality of language, don't do anything stupid with your body, finish the interaction correctly, etc etc etc), when I am tired or my brain is full, I just don't have the capacity for much of this.

Bad sleep
It's very rare for me to sleep badly. I am the one who will sleep through anything, always struggles to wake up in the morning, steals all the duvet and kicks/generally bashes about Mr Peggy each night! But this week I was plagued by anxiety dreams, and a strange brand of them too, not just the usual ones but ones set into a nice life-like situation from a few years ago to make it particularly hard-hitting and the effects longer-lasting into the day (my usual anxiety dreams are about waves, tides or being late for things. Oh, and sometimes teeth falling out!). I also unaccountably woke up several times during the night and one morning even woke up at 5.30 wide awake. This is unheard of in the Peggy household (for me anyway!). And of course doesn't help the cycle of exhaustion.

Processing time
When the stress and exhaustion ramp up or last longer than a few days I also see a noticeable increase in processing time and brain speed. This can range from taking a long time to find words (just everyday ones like "handle" this week!) to taking things more literally than usual or not seeing the meaning of what somebody has said to me. Often it only clicks several hours after a conversation that I completely misunderstood what somebody was getting at! When it's really bad it even affects written communication if things are not spelled out completely explicitly.

There are probably other things as well, but just some quick thoughts, and an apology to all those who have suffered from my various deficits this week! It is frustrating when these kinds of problems come into play because I am normally relatively good at presenting a rough basic level of "socially acceptable" (and when I'm not it's usually for things that are "weird" rather than negative, like carrying a blanket with me or lying on the floor rather than being rude), so people are not used to making allowances for my social communication difficulties and just see rudeness/withdrawal/strange over-reactions. Hopefully the weekend will help, and by the time next week is over I can begin to get back to normality!

What's in the Box?

Trigger warning: mild self harm reference

An excellent question! The Box, of course, is my "self-soothe box" in the language of mental health services, and my sensory box in every day conversation. I don't discuss it with that many people, but for the lucky few ( ;) ) this is familiar language as they already move in circles of sensory difference.

After my previous post, a curious reader enquired as to the contents of my box. I am very happy to share!

The great thing about the items in this box is that they can be used not only in a crisis or tricky moment, but whenever I  have a spare minute (I keep my box in my car so it's with me wherever I go) to keep regulated throughout the day as a preventative. I'm not as proactive about this as I could be as I am very busy and often in a rush, but it does make a noticeable difference when I take time out to invest in staying well regulated.

In my box:

A small jar of cinnamon. I find this smell so comforting, and it's cheap and easy to replace if it loses its effect. The reused miniature jam jar doubles up as physical/auditory input as the button can be clicked too! (Or "depressed" as some jars say. Always seems so cruel to intentionally depress a button...)

A tiny tin of coffee beans. These are great and multi-sensory too: not only do I love the smell despite hating the taste of coffee, but it sounds and feels pleasing to shake the tin back and forth. The hard cold of the metal is soothing if I hold it tightly in the palm of my hand, and the beans can be poured out and tipped from hand to hand.

A tube of bubbles. A wonderfully pleasing visual with the added benefit of controlling the breath.

A small tub of glue and spreader. This one is particularly good if I know I'm going to stay anxious for a while and need distraction within a situation where I can't access my tools. Once the glue has dried on a small area of my skin (an interesting cool, wet sensation), it can be peeled off. This is also an especially good one when I feel like hurting myself. It's a bit less "calming" than the others and can channel that urge in a less destructive manner. Please note, I don't advocate painting glue on your skin. It's probably not very good for it, but I'm just sharing something that I discovered works for me.

I had a small glitter jar, but it needs replacing and I'm not very good at making them! A great visual, with slow movement and sparkling light, and with a glass jar, there is the added weight in the hand and cool of the glass.

Putty or slime. Mr Peggy gave me mine and it has glitter in! I love it! Great for squeezing and using my hand muscles when the anxiety has an edge of frustration, or I just need some more forceful physical input. It smells good too.


mp3 player and headphones. This is loaded with music I find calming or expressive, including tracks from my JABADAO! training, which have an instant calming effect on me either because of some intrinsic value or their associations for me (or both).

A small soft toy. Comforting to hold in the hand or against my face.

Fabric soaked with bleach in a smell-tight container. This is associated with swimming for me, which I love. The movement for my body and the sensations of the water make it a great positive activity, and the smell evokes a positive feeling in me.

Fabric soaked with Tresemme hairspray. This reminds me of dance shows and exams; again an instant whiff of "good".

Elastic that I can pull if I need more intense or resistant physical input. This is just some I had in the house and I have to double it up two or three times to get the resistance I need, or I sometimes pinch a Theraband out of my dance bag, which does the trick! (see also, spiky massage balls, foam rollers, physio/yoga balls...)

Quotes. I have four or five of these: phrases people have said to me that really resonate with my mental health. I find most inspirational quotes sickening, so these are usually things people have said in passing, but have somehow hit me in a meaningful way (often it is quite like a physical hit when it happens, causing me to pause in whatever I am doing or thinking!) and managed to actually inspire me towards getting better.

A small colouring book, with pens, pencils and sharpener. I don't usually have time to use this, but it can be helpful when I do.





A notebook and pen. To remove excess thoughts from my Brain!

Recent additions: Ziploc bag of sawdust. I have recently given a home to two scrummy guinea pigs (what a wellbeing boost they are just by being there) after a ten year gap since the hamsters of my youth. Opening the woodshavings to prepare their hutch was an almost overpowering sensory memory moment and completely unexpected. Couldn't miss an opportunity to harness that: the calm of years of pet-induced wellbeing recreated by bagging some sawdust! Discovered it's not only great to smell and put the hands in, but it's pleasing to lay the bag flat and feel it squashing under the fingers too!


My Toroidz spiral. I have great friends who buy me sensory toys for my birthday! I could lose myself for hours playing with this! Mine is UV so you can use it in a dark space with a UV torch for extra amazing-ness. The combination of physical sensation - the light touch and movement with the cool metal - and visual is entrancing, and there is potential for infinite exploration of how I can affect the quality of these sensations.

And of course, a blanket! I'm becoming quite famous for my love of blankets as I learn to be more open about myself. People are beginning to get used to seeing me around with one. Wrapping myself tightly makes me feel safer, providing an even firm pressure all around my body, containing me. If I'm less anxious holding it in my hands, on my knee or against my face is a good boost to my regulation.

Bonus item! A firm favourite of mine for sensory regulation is my fleece bodywarmer. I can wear it all day at work if I need to and it helps me feel OK. It's tight enough to give me pressure round my middle, which I find very safe and calming, and it can be done up right up to my chin, so I can have a cosy safe feeling round my neck and face which really helps too. It's squashy, soft, cosy and lovely to touch, and just an ordinary everyday item of clothing that nobody would think twice about. Winner!