You trace up my torso and down my arm with your fingertips or sleepy closed fist in the circuit of some imaginary vehicle, just as you used to trace the skirting board on the stairs long before we knew it was a road.
When one of your first words was "brrm" we gained a window into your inner landscape and experience of the world so that now in your peaceful dreamy state I have a good idea of the stories that are sending you off to sleep. The sensations that at times have been trying as I wonder how long you will need me here - how long tonight before I am free to make my own sleepy journeys and how many months you will need me to join you on yours - are cherished and stored up in these days, because I know no matter how many they are, they will be limited. You will not always be this small, this close to me. And soon you will have to share me with another little person with their own journey to sleep, and our nights might have to change even if you haven't chosen it.
Each moment is a privilege and a treasure as you grow into your own person. I'm proud to see you need me less as you gain confidence with others and skills of your own. I enjoy sitting back and admiring you being you and not always needing me because you had me when you did need me. But precious boy, I hope nothing more than to always be here if you want to trace a path to the old familiar home.
