For somebody who is quite sensory-aware, naturally mindful and pays attention to what their body is telling them, I am remarkably useless when somebody asks "what did it feel like in your body?"
My new therapist ask this question a lot - it is an important part of the EMDR we will be doing - and I find it really difficult to answer! I can be bad at identifying emotions, though I am improving at times, but sometimes I'm even worse at this, which surprises me.
Is it because I don't notice it? Is it because I can't identify it? Is it because I can't remember it afterwards? Is it because I find it difficult to communicate it verbally?
During my difficult week I have been trying to pay good attention to where and how I feel different emotions and responses in my body, particularly the past couple of days since I saw her.
With some emotions it has definitely been a case of not thinking to pay attention at the time - when the old amygdala's partying I tend not to be paying attention to my precise inner sensations. At other times I have been able to notice some clues, for example my shoulders being tense and raised up, a sick feeling in my stomach (usually worry), fidgety hands or hands that want to hold something, a mouth that wants to smile.
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| Emotions have even been mapped in the body with thermal imaging- picture from here. |
But that's pretty much all - I spent a good twenty minutes yesterday thinking "I feel calm, content, relaxed and happy, what does it feel like?" and all I could come up with was slightly smiley and it's easy to move (if that even counts!!). Does my body just not feel feelings in a very physical way or am I spectacularly bad at figuring it out?!
Any hints or tips or do you have the same experience?
A quick Internet search for "anger in my body" or "where do I feel things in my body" bring up a variety of resources to highlight body cues for emotions - I'm going to keep paying attention and see if I can work out whether it's my awareness or my body that is making it more tricky to figure out - or maybe both. And I'll be writing it down to make sure we don't come a cropper on the "difficult to communicate it verbally" thing. Interoception differences and alexithymia are both known to correlate with autistic neurology so I probably shouldn't be surprised by this whole business!
