365 Days

Did you know we had a heatwave at exactly this time last year too?!

Sorry, not an autism or mental health or sensory-focused post, just a lil reflective one.

I remember because I was in labour at this very moment. I remember being uncomfortably warm as I waited for my induction, but for the next 12-17 hours being more preoccupied with other things! And then being slightly worried our 9-hour-old baby would either melt or roast on the car journey home as our air conditioning wasn't working. He survived, and we survived the very sweaty days of closeness that followed.

And we all survived the following year, because here I am writing about it as the huge child snoozes blissfully unaware of any unusual significance of the occasion of his afternoon nap on 16th July. 

We more than survived. Our lives are so much richer for having Baby Peggy in them. We learn from him every day and laugh with him every day.

I am proud of us. There are parts I am not proud of - moments, patterns, aspects I could, would and should change. And there are many things I accept or am learning to accept that might not be ideal but are also not the end of the world. Telling the difference can be hard.

But my overarching awareness today is gratitude and wonder. To be here today with our lives as they are right now - a whole year of this boy - feels miraculous.

I am thankful for the joy he brings every day.

I am thankful for the snuggles.

I am thankful for the giggles.

I am thankful for the relationship he has with me and Mr Peggy.

I am thankful for his growing independence.

I am thankful that he is so settled and well cared for in his childcare setting and that he is developing his own friendships there and experiencing such a wide range of opportunities that he doesn't get at home.

I am thankful that he sleeps much better at night now.

I am thankful that he has such a loving extended family.

I am thankful for all of the friends, family and professionals who support us.

I am thankful for the time I get to spend with him watching him learn about the world and himself.

I am thankful for an infinite number of things! That's not to say it isn't incredibly hard at times. It absolutely is. There are days when I am unrecognisably far from the parent I would like to be and where I feel despairing that he has a parent like me. On those days it's upsetting that he trusts and loves me because he really shouldn't. But mostly I can see a balanced view - undoubtedly imperfect, but not wholly terrible. Sometimes we do just fine!

And I'm just thankful that I've had 365 days to try at it and 365 days of memories to treasure.

Happy First Birthday little one ❤️