I'm trying to write a post that feels like it needs to be written, but nothing I write feels quite right. Usually when I don't quite know what I want to write, I start typing and something forms itself that seems to get whatever I needed to get out of my head out of my head. As it were.
But I've tried this one several times and it's still not coming together. I want to write about how the events of a year ago are affecting me now, about how life is different and how I feel about it all and what the brain does and what still affects me and how I am coping with returning to all the previous bits of my life that went on hold. But I can't seem to gather my thoughts or pin them down. I can't find the nub of what causes me trouble and why. I can't identify the things that are happening in my brain or make sense of them.
Sometimes I'm overwhelmed; sometimes it's like it switches off and none of it seems to matter, but this is accompanied by a sense of foreboding that it hasn't gone away - it's just hiding, ready to pounce when I'm not expecting it. Sometimes I'm too weary to care, but I know that is temporary too. I need to find a way to unravel everything that has happened, to acquaint myself properly with facts and feelings and integrate it all into my story so it stops jumping out at me, incessantly demanding attention, sending me alerts and notifications and generally causing trouble.
Ideas on a postcard please!
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