On a Square Day

I've been having a lot of 'Square Days' recently. I'm rather chuffed with the description actually: the hunt for a word to explain these days is finally over!

The search began when I wanted to express that some days are different from others. We all have good days and bad days and ones where we just shouldn't have got out of bed, but I was struggling with the fact that some times I just seem to feel a lot more 'autistic' than others. But autism is most definitely not a feeling. I'm not sometimes autistic and sometimes not, so it seemed really strange to say I was feeling particularly autistic that day.

I asked a few other people what they thought on the matter. Everyone reported that they too felt more severely affected at times, especially when tired, stressed, ill or anxious. Perhaps I wasn't so far off the mark then! But I still didn't like the phrase (maybe because most people don't know of my diagnosis so it would seem rude and insensitive to people with autism to them if not just plain weird).

I decided to write about it anyway, as I think it's an important thing for people to understand, so I came to my blog to start writing and read my title 'Square Peggy'. It just fit perfectly.

I've just collected a few initial thoughts about what it's like to be me when I'm extra square.

On a Square Day I:

• feel very vulnerable
• may be irritable
• may not like talking, particularly answering questions
• may get overwhelmed by a seemingly tiny task
• am much more likely to shut down
• need more sensory input to make me feel calm and safe, so I tend to stim more and seek comforting touch from someone I trust
• take longer to process language and situations
• tend to avoid risky/unsafe/scary things more, for example eye contact
• may be very emotional
• may seem not to care or be very responsive (usually due to being very emotional)
• find it difficult to join in conversations and may be quieter than normal
• need my own space

I'll probably add to that list as time goes on - those are just thoughts off the top of my head. Please share your own experiences in the comments or send me a message. And please ask if you have any questions or would like more detail on any area. Thanks!