We like resilient people: unconscious stigma

As I've mentioned before, I'm really lucky in my workplace. When I disclosed to my employer she showed understanding by acknowledging the trust I was placing in her by telling her, she checked whether there were any ways in which work needed to be accommodating me, and she didn't make a big deal out of it. She's never treated me any differently. Not that everything's been perfect, but I've always felt accepted and safe. When I started having some difficulties a few months later she again looked for ways to accommodate, and she encouraged me to share my diagnosis with my immediate team and facilitated my doing this. She was right: it did help. My close colleagues are amazing and it's largely due to them that I haven't exploded or dissolved entirely during the last few months!

But over time I have also noticed that even though I work in such a supportive environment and one that is by nature highly aware of disabilities and differences, there remains an underlying low level of stigma, or perhaps lack of understanding. 

It was highlighted by one particular comment which stuck in my head a week or two ago. We had been discussing how a colleague had worked fantastically hard and achieved great success in a training course when home life was really hard. The throwaway comment which hit me like a ton of bricks was "we like resilient people." 

Now I'm fairly sure the comment wasn't designed to have the effect it had on me, but because the person that made it knew I had been really struggling for quite a while, the spontaneous sentiment metaphorically floored me. I really haven't been feeling particularly resilient recently! Do we not like people who are using everything they have just to keep afloat? Are non-resilient people worth less? I suppose to a business they are. If they require more time or work from leadership then that would make them a bit of a pain. Nobody likes a whinger.

It's just a bit sad and frustrating that just as I am learning to try and articulate the problems I have and ask for the help I need, I am once again reminded why I have always found that it's best to just hide it all away and get on. Don't make a fuss, don't cause a scene, don't require time or attention, and most of all, don't appear weak. We like resilient people.

I'm very tempted to put my tortoise shell back on and keep on crawling.