I spent several days just doing nothing. By which I don't mean nothing, because that doesn't exist as an option any more, but doing the bare minimum of keeping myself and Baby Peggy fed, clean and safe. Not doing anything from my growing to do list or even able to contemplate doing any of those things. Mentally absent from life and feeling like I'd missed those days out. I can them non-days - days where I just exist.
Gradually I've started doing one or two things from the list each day because I know I have to and it helps keep the sense of overwhelm at bay. During the past couple of days when I've been doing that, I have noticed that my mood is not good. I'm not low on sleep but I feel as though I am. I am irritable, I feel low, little things bother me, sensory issues are worse, everything feels too much, I can't get my head around thinking about anything.
Because I'm used to just carrying on and I don't get breaks any more I didn't anticipate the end of term being hugely different from term time, other than that the routine is different because I entertain a baby for 5-7 days instead of 2-4. But my body/brain seems to remember that end of term = crash time, so here we are. I just hope it gets back on board in time for me to be present and enjoy our holiday next week.
Note to self: assumptions are not useful, changes of routine are always unsettling, perhaps work takes more out of you than you realise. The interplay between mood/energy levels and life factors such as routine, change, stresses and stressor, hormones, social interactions and countless other factors is complex. I can look back in retrospect and think "I should have seen that coming", but I didn't, or not with this intensity for this long. What I can do now is notice, try and be kind to myself and allow recovery as much as possible, and learn for next time.
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