Accepting Today

Different days are good for different things.

Just because you can’t do something today doesn’t mean it will always be like that*. When I feel like I can’t do something, I can’t imagine ever feeling any different about it: it is absolutely my truth. But that’s not true. I am finding that if I let myself not do the thing, there often comes a time when I feel able or even willing, to do the thing. That time often comes far sooner than I expect, and I suspect it is related to accepting my needs in the moment and giving myself the freedom to do or not do as is best each moment.

The more I pressurise myself to do something, the more I cannot do it. It is more than resistance I feel: an impossibility. I am scared, feeling almost literally petrified - if I must do the thing, there is no way out, no option or safety net if for some reason I fail. I get caught in the dilemma of “I can’t do the thing and I can’t not do the thing” and this is when my brain implodes and off I go into threat system (fight/flight/freeze - I am a freezer, hence “petrified”). Acceptance is an exit from the dilemma that leads to crisis.

Actually it turns out that whatever I can do today may not be the same as what I will be able to do tomorrow, and it may not be the same as what I could do yesterday.

And that is OK.

Some days I can use all my
tools to make a moment of OK

Some days I can’t talk but I can write. Other days I can seek out a friend to help me.

Some days I can read but I can’t think. Some days I can think but I can’t read!

Some days I can’t stop thinking but I can dance.

Some days I can’t dance but I can wrap myself in a blanket.

Some days I can’t eat; other days I can’t stop eating. Some days I can be balanced.

Some days I can’t leave the house but I can support a friend over the internet.

Some days I can push myself; some days I push too far. Some days I can show myself compassion.

And that is OK.

Some days I can play upside down!

Every day (and moment, because these states rarely last a full day!) is different and every day is a part of my life that I can choose to accept, whether or not it’s what I hoped or planned for. When I choose to accept my truthful state of being regardless of how I might be inclined to judge it and of how it looks to other people (Although please take note - it really does make a difference if those around you are accepting too. It is an exhausting fight to accept the unwanted sides of your life), I tend to have a better state of wellbeing and a higher probability of positive change.

I dare you to give it a go: try being kind to yourself instead of beating yourself up. Cut yourself some slack, listen to your body and believe what it tells you for once - it may just be right.

*A couple of disclaimers here:

1. I am purely talking about psychological “being able” to do things here: having limits to physical ability to do things is another matter entirely and probably approached in a completely different way. Sometimes my psychological “not being able” to physically stops me from being able to achieve the activity; other times I could theoretically do the thing but I know that it is not a good idea to. I am working on categorising this as a “can’t” to combat the very powerful “should”s in my Brian!

2. This does not mean that I never challenge myself, that I “let myself off the hook”, stagnate or gradually shrink my life to a sad place, although I do sometimes miss out on things I would like to have done. On the contrary, experience has shown me that through accepting when I can’t, I actually have more occasions when I feel able to do more than expected, or I feel more able to take those opportunities or risks because I know I have a safety net or an option for “failure”. I am also more likely to enjoy and be successful at the things that I do do. I am more likely to push myself on the things that matter rather than indiscriminately spending my efforts trying to do everything including things that are potentially damaging, or bring difficulty with no benefit.